I
have been absent from all of my social outlets (besides FB/IG) but as far as in
my blog and YouTube channel, I have gone. For many reason's. But I am about to
embark on a journey and I would love for the world to join/follow my life as I
grow and change.
I
have been going through A LOT of changes guys, you wouldn't even believe. I
have been on a roller coaster to say the least. From relocating to an entire
different state, out of the blue, to moving out ON MY OWN in this state that I
know nothing about, but life is a journey right? That's how I see it.
I
believe in destiny and purpose, we all have a purpose here on earth and we are
all destined to do something to change something or someone while we are here.
For those of you who do not know my story, I will share a little bit of it.
When
I was 2 years old, my mother passed away. She left me here along with my sister
who is only 11 months other than I am. So here you have 2 motherless children,
left in a house with the corpse of their mothers’ body for about 2-3 days
before someone even realized that they have not heard from us in a while. From
stories I have been told, one of my aunts (on my mother's side), came by the
house and no one was answering the door when she was trying to get in, so a
concern was raised, and somehow the door was knocked down to get inside of the
house, and that is when they discovered my mothers' body laying in bed, with an
imprint of my body on hers, from where I had been going back to lay down with
her each night as if she was still alive. They also saw a trail of crackers or
cookies from the kitchen to the bedroom, where my sister had been trying to
feed me, since she was 3 years old; she was tall enough to reach into the
cabinets.
I
am not able to give a full account of everything that went on since I really
have no memory of this incident, I am just paraphrasing stories I've heard from
family members. But to make a long story short My sister, Mother, Father and I
were living in Alabama at this time, but after her death, my sister and I moved
to Illinois with my father and was raised with his side of the family.
A
few years passed after my mothers' death, before we saw or heard from her side
of the family. I don't really know what was going on between each side of my
family, BUT I'm sure it had something to do with my mother's death, and her
royalties (which to this day is still a mystery to me...)
My
mother was a WELL-established woman, serving in the U.S. National Guard,
recipient of 2 degrees (BA, MBA), a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.
and most of all an educator for our school system.
As
I grew older, I just wanted to know more and more about this "mystery
woman" who I have heard so many great stories about, and who countless
people tell me I have her smile, I just wanted (and still do) to know who is
this woman who people say I remind them of?
Well
who better to know more about this information than, the people who knew her best?
My mothers’ side of the family. I have always been distant with this side of my
family, purely from an unconscious association with them being some sort of
"bad people". I never knew much about what was going on with
them except for when my sister and I started spending summers in Alabama (which
I HATED.... once again because I was never giving it a chance).
Well,
last year, around this time EXACTLY, I was going through a deep depression
while I was in IL. NO ONE knew about this, not my sister's (who are MY BEST
FRIENDS) not my roommate, not even myself. I really did not know that I, Rikki,
was suffering from depression. No way. Right?
Well
YES WAY, sheesh lol it was real y'all, and I had masked the depression so well
that I fooled myself into thinking that life was FINE! I grew up in a household
where you weren't taught about "depression" and "stress"
and "anxiety". I honestly think that most middle class African
American homes are lacking the education of these illnesses to their children,
but that's another post for another day. Anywho, how I grew up...if you were
"Stressed Out"...you better pray about it. "Depressed"...YA
BETTA PRAY ABOUT IT! ..."SHUT UP AND PRAY ABOUT IT!!!" (My cousins
are going to DIE laughing at this) but seriously. This was my life. So here I
am, praying, praying and praying. Keeping my faith and calling everyone I KNEW
who could get a prayer through to pray with/for me!
Well
the day I felt like I was going to give up, I received a phone call from my
uncle who lives in Alabama (my mothers youngest brother) giving me the
opportunity to come and move to Alabama, stay with him and his wife, and live
rent free, stress free, for however long I needed them. Whelp, lets just say,
ya girl hopped on the firth thing smoking to Alabama and left Illinois in the
DUST.
WELLLLLLL, like I
said earlier, life is a journey FULL of learning experiences. And this move to
Alabama was def a L E A R N I N G E X P E R I E N C E for me. I
won’t go into great detail, but although I appreciate the concern and
everything my aunt and uncle did for me while I was living with them. That
living situation was NOT FOR ME. I felt like I was in a boarding house for
needy children. I was not the only other adult that lived in that house besides
my aunt and uncle either. So it was just, ……we will just leave it there.
So
I did what any other headstrong young adult would have done, and moved out, on
my own right at the 6-month mark, and it was probably one of the most rewarding
things I have done in a while. My life has been on a roll since I have come
into my own pace and space and have been able to explore this foreign place
without boundaries from ANYONE or ANYTHING. I just feel so free. I feel like I am finding my purpose and living my destiny.
I
have recently decided to spend this summer in Miami FLA to perfect my craft in
photography and in anything of the ARTS, but I will be focusing on photog. I
would love if you guys would join me and watch me grow.
Love
Always,
ForeverRikk
